Cycle 1 is Done & Done

The first cycle is officially complete! WOW! Talk about deja vu. I remember this so clearly from last September. Thinking to myself, wow this is the last time I will ever have to complete my first cycle of chemo. Guess I was wrong back then.

Everyone wants to know if it's easier or harder compared to the last time, and it's really hard to say. One of the absolute worst parts of the entire process has been the anticipatory nausea. It hasn't let up at all throughout the entire process. And even though I was very heavily medicated with anti-nausea pills when we walked into Mayo this morning, I was puking in the garbage can outside the parking ramp elevator on level 10 within mins of just being in the building. It's just that every thing I see, smell, or touch in that building is associated with the horrible memories of going through chemo. And believe me, I soooooooooo wish this was one of those situations that could be controlled with mind over body. I try with all the strength and energy I can muster up each week to not puke, and every week it comes back up and out. It's honestly one of the most frustrating things ever because you really couldn't feel less in control.

One of the best parts of the experience has been my chemo doctor (DRB) and my nurses. There is nothing that compares when you're already feeling super shitty & trying not to puke, when one of my fabulous nurses just walks up to me with a big smile on her face, puts her arms around me without even saying anything and completely comforts me. It's like there is just this mutual understanding and compassion that can't even really be put into words. And today I told them that I feel horrible because sometimes when I'm there I hardly even have the energy to be polite but yet they still take AMAZING care of me.

The other part that's been nice is that I haven't felt as puky sick when they're injecting me with the drugs. It used to almost be a game with me to see how fast I could pass out so that I could survive the chemo drugs. And now it's different. I'm actually able to be awake for some of it, without totally freaking out. Today I even watched part of a movie, ate a cookie, drank a sprite and sent a couple of text messages! It's just such a completely different experience, but I can't say that it's better because I don't think it is, just different. And sometimes I think a change will do you good...

So now I get approx 13 days off to relax, rest and have some fun. Hopefully I'll get to spend some time back in the cafe too! They want to do a couple more cycles before they scan me again. DRB wants to make sure that the chemo has actually had some time to work and doesn't want to scan too early in case the tumors hadn't actually reached their peak growth. And then we'll determine how to proceed from there! Thank you for all the thoughts, prayers, well wishes, support and generosity while battling Cycle 1, now it's time to go to war on Cycle 2!!!