You haven't been blogging

"You haven't been blogging"

Yep that's a true statement. I really hadn't been for most of this second half of this cycle. But it's not that I didn't think about blogging because I did. Everyday. Usually around 7-9 times a day if you would like to be picky about it. And it wasn't like I didn't want to let people know what was going on in my life. (Well to be honest, not much...)

I just had a hard time forcing myself to sit down and write. And you'd think with all this time on my hands it'd be easy... but I just didn't feel like me. Most of the time I felt lazy, unproductive, unmotivated, unhealthy mopey, ugh just not like Annie.

Part of me thinks that it's also just that the whole reality of the situation hit home a little more. Some big changes happened and life moved on. It's not like I'm just on sick leave for a couple of days and when I get back everything will be the same. I've been out of it since the middle of July... that's like an entire college semester or a whole quarter in business. I know that I'm doing something very important, I mean survival is kinda key to living, but it's just such an extreme change from being right in the middle of everything to feel like your life is being put on hold. I know and don't expect things to be the same if and when I go back to Baltimore (I'm splint 60% back to the E.C., 20% staying in MN and 20% moving somewhere new...). I guess even if you don't expect things to stay the same, sometimes you just have to feel the grief when things do change...

They say everyone is affected differently by chemo. No doctor can tell you exactly how your body will react. Mostly because they're still practicing medicine. I guess this is just one of the unforeseen side effects that I get to experience... Oh well :)