So here we go. It's hear and it's real. Chemo.
Bad News:
It was weird hearing that i have cancer - it didn't really seem real because it's one of those things that everyone knows what it is... but not really. Hearing that I have to have Chemo was very very very very very different.
Mostly I don't really know what to say about it... although my bracelet does sum it up pretty well "Cancer Sucks". And i didn't really cry until they said I'd lose my hair - but bald Brittney Spears jokes will still be funny (http://www.cancerisnotfunny.com/top10chemobaldness.html) & it seems crazy that of all the information i found out today... that was the piece that made me break down & cry.
Ah I keep trying to type things on here and then decide to delete them... everything just seems so not right to say. I am sad & mostly i just wanted to be out in Baltimore tonight dancing on the pool table at Cladaughas...
But after the 2 hour meeting with the oncologist, the meeting with the fertility specialist (which who knew at single & 23 you had to decided you wanted to have kids) & the ecocardiogram i was pretty much just exhausted and now I'm home in my pink slippers & an RWFB hoodie about to go and get ice cream.
Doc B wants to start chemo on the 18th - good thing Nicole didn't wait an extra weekend for the wedding. Then it's 4 - 6 rounds... each round is 2 days in the hospital with Chemo given intravenously then 19 days of "lets see what that does" & the cycle begins again. However my doc, in a very round about way, did say that if the THC works... Good thing I've been watching lots of Weeds!!! Good news is that whoever said back to EQ by Q1 09 - one of the few times they get to be right...
So keeping within in the Good News/Bad News format here are additional pieces of Good News:
- All my scans came back clean
- I can keep doing yoga & running - although training for a marathon is not advised
- If I'm feeling shitty (swear word for you know who) i can eat all the ice cream i want - hence this evening's treat
- I'll have a great excuse to read all the books I've ever wanted to read
- I'll have the time to send entertaining text messages to people while they are at work
- Home for the Holidays
- I found a talior that's willing to refit my size 14 dress into my new size 10 body in the next 72 hours... so now Coli doesn't have to kill me on her wedding weekend...
- My parents are hippies so the whole "medical weed" shouldn't be a parental issue
- I have the most AMAZING friends, family, & support system of anyone. I'm completely overwhelmed by the love, care, understanding, compassion & faith.
I wrote in yellow today because "sometimes you just want to wear a yellow shirt when you wake up in the morning" & I just wanted to feel sunny. :)
5 comments:
Surprise! I don't blog hop too much, but something led me to yours. Now I know why. How are you doing? This is wild-you are the second college friend that has cancer...makes me wonder what they fed us at Gustavus! Anyway-your blogs are entertaining so far, and I am impressed at your ability to be upbeat, funny, and positive, but then again, you've always been that way. I will be thinking of you. I admire you.
ANNNNNNNIE: I love you and I love your blog... you've got the perfect attitude and I can't even begin to think how many folks you'll be inspiring here in cyberspace. I can't wait to dance on tables with you soon enough :)
CANCER SUCKS, but you make it look HOTT!
Annie!! Hey girly girl! I love your profile pic on here! You are one HOT Mama! ;) I was just thinking about you today and thought I'd check out this blog thing of yours. This is great-I feel like I'm right there with ya! We missed you last night at XS...we had some yummy sushi!
Annie, you are so strong and you always have the best attitude no matter what you are going through. You are going to get through this in no time! You are in my prayers and I admire you too! Have a great rest of your weekend. Miss you..
All in all, I think its more good news than bad! Plus with your fantastic attitude (whether or not you are sad), you are going to kick cancer's ass (I believe you've said that already!). Hang in there. More positive vibes coming your way! I would have cried at the hair part too. You are entitled to be sad about that for sure. You are one tough cookie! I'm very proud of you.
just re-read this post...i miss you :(, i suppose this is when everything changed and we're here now, without you. I know you're rockin' it up there but just know you're loved and thought about ALL THE TIME here. I LOVE YOU AOD!
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