Mostly I don't write because I'm scared. Scared of what I might say, how that might or might not affect people (am I using the right affect/effect...damn 9th grade English I can never remember you), what I might discover about myself or that what I wright might be really something good. And then what if I take all this time to write this amazing novel and I never do anything with it... is that more of a waste than writing it in the first place?
I mean people tell me all the time, write a book or keep blogging but then the expectations start in. Oops hope that doesn't sound too egotistical. And to be honest, I think the "you should write a book comment" is WAY overused. And isn't it kinda cliche in a way? Some "big thing" changes your whole life and then you're supposed to tell everyone else about it so that they can be on the look out? Or know how to act or what to expect when it happens to them? Get your own "big thing" and figure it out!
I'm pretty sure I could write the s*it out of a story (Totally bragging) but what I get hung up on it what would it be "about". If I knew what the story was going to be about I could obviously just write the thing. I mean I feel like I'm writing term papers all over again in college. I do like the idea of writing a story about falling in love while having cancer. Not so much in the over the top romantic, Nicholas Sparks, "A Walk to Remember" sort of way but in a more documentary-real life-ish sort of way. MTV True Life - I feel in love with someone who has cancer... Ahhh if only I were 19...
And part of it, I think, is just not knowing what to say. It's like the earth suddenly turned over and is floating upside down like the titanic and the only way to get it right is to pull on this rope. And you pull and pull with all your might and you get maybe a second or a couple of hours things where things feel right again but then it's like WHOOPS the titanic flops belly up again. And the whole thing is, you never know how long you get, I mean none of us really do (barf cliche again), but I guess that's why you keep pulling so that one day the boat doesn't flip over again. mmmm... now that sounded and looked a whole lot better/different in my head... maybe that's why I always think of writing blogs (like on a daily basis) but never actually do.
Huh good thing this blog is free because I'm going to have to think of some way better material if I actually wanna get a book deal and get paid for giving people advice. Obvious insert of joke to deflect from the real emotion of the blog... just in case you missed the billboard sign that it was attached to...
But really, I mean, to get a book deal, they probably require you to have a point (a significant one at that) if you're going to convince a company to spend millions to go to print. So I'm waiting for a "point" to hit me over the head... And secret wish, I so wanna do a book tour while I'm bald. It would make for the greatest TV ratings ever! I can just see me looking fabulously stylish on "Live with Regis and Kelly"... People would love that crap!
But maybe it's not my time yet. Maybe I have to get through everything before I can know how to help someone else come up right side up from it all.
Another but... I am not a patient person (as someone has told me NUMEROUS times). And I do believe that gifts are wasted if they aren't used (not forever but the tarnish can be pretty thick) so I'm thinking I better get to writing more. Because what if this book really just is inside of me and it's waiting to pop out like a baby t-rex! aaarrrr!!!
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4 comments:
SO excited to see you blogging again! I don't care how often you do it or whether or not you ever write a book. I just like to "hear" Annie...it makes me feel like we're less far apart. You don't think I have a T-Rex in my belly, do you????
Hi Annie, I too have faithfully checked several times a week to see if you are here. Glad to have you back.
Love, Jean
Write for you. The rest of us just get the pleasure of reading your words - whenever you write them. That should be enough for all of us. So good to see you last week. Miss you much and thinking of you always!
You rock my world. Day. after day. after day. and you're pretty darn far away, but you keep doing it. Thanks for everything you do just by being you. I'm so glad to have read this tonight!
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