Is It Thanksgiving?

Usually when I think about writting my blog I have one particular story or a couple of things in mind... but today I almost don't even know where to start because I want to write so much. Obviously I guess I've been feeling a little detached from life over the past 4 days.

So the question everyone has been asking - "Was the second round worse?" And I guess the answer is yes and no. Different parts were harder. It was nice to see the same familiar nurses faces & know the whole routine, so there was less of a sense of the "unknown". But knowing doesn't always make things easier... I feel like the 2 days in the hospitial were definetly harder this time. Plus I puked twice in the Mayo parking garage or if you must, structure. But then the recovery at home has been a little better. Family, friends and all the support really makes a big difference!!! I think also knowing that it was going to take me 5 days to get back on my feet again helpes. During the first round I would wake up everyday expecting/hoping to feel different. And really it is all about managing expectations...

I think that one of the wierdest things that Chemo does is it puts you in a survival mode like nothing else (Not that I have a lot to compare too...). But it's amazing because you have all this love and support around you & you can bearly even think about it, comprehend it or appreciate it when you're in the thick of it all. On sunday, I couldn't sit up right. I crawled up the stairs - on all 4s, then had to lay down. Then I brushed my teeth and had to lay down. Then I got my other pj's on, and had to lay down. It just really makes things seem so micro to what thoughts normally occupy our day & how we're able to look out and see the bigger picture. And it really confines you to only be able to think about maybe whats 5 mins in front of you. It's like you can't really even phantom that there's a larger world around you.

So anyway my whole point in writting that was twofold I guess... 1.) to let you know that sometimes if the biggest thing you get accomplished all day is brushing your teeth that's fine and 2.) I'm really thankful to be back in a spot where I can appreciate all the love and support around me. I've really been amazed and taken with the whole concept of a person's and people's capacity to care.

So the last one was kinda random, but that's kinda all I have to say about that. I'm still flushing out my thoughts about that so hopefully everyone gets the point. And really if not... I swear it's all the drugs I'm on still talking... :)