For the love of blogging

Well the plan was to blog about my birthday today. But it seems that fate has other plans for me & this story. So dunnnnn dunnnnn dunnnnnnnnnnnnn the plot thickens....

Well actually not really. It's just that somehow over the course of the last 48 hours I've managed to get pink eye. So not fun to have your eye continually draining... Also the reason I can't really blog much. It's just that my stomach is already a little queesy and I can only wear one contact, so the combination produces a person who is throwing up with no depth perception. Which isn't funny, unless you think people tripping is funny...

Which I think.... is funny. Anyway, they definitely go in the same category. But either way maybe I'll get the opportunity to blog about my birthday tomorrow.

As some of you may remember a sickness descended upon during my first round of chemo as well... pneumonia. So my clever bff did some detective work for me today amidst supporting her customers and found that there are quite a few other types of diseases that start with "P" such as pancreatitis, papilloma, parapangloima, Parkinson's, pelvic inflammation, phantom limb, phobias, plague, pregnancy, pruritus and various psychotic disorders. So I'm taking bets on which "P" disease I might contract with Chemo - Round 3.

Ah well it's a good thing we have eye drops and I don't have any hot dates scheduled, yet! I think a couple more days in pj's and this eye will be doing just fine :)

Is It Thanksgiving?

Usually when I think about writting my blog I have one particular story or a couple of things in mind... but today I almost don't even know where to start because I want to write so much. Obviously I guess I've been feeling a little detached from life over the past 4 days.

So the question everyone has been asking - "Was the second round worse?" And I guess the answer is yes and no. Different parts were harder. It was nice to see the same familiar nurses faces & know the whole routine, so there was less of a sense of the "unknown". But knowing doesn't always make things easier... I feel like the 2 days in the hospitial were definetly harder this time. Plus I puked twice in the Mayo parking garage or if you must, structure. But then the recovery at home has been a little better. Family, friends and all the support really makes a big difference!!! I think also knowing that it was going to take me 5 days to get back on my feet again helpes. During the first round I would wake up everyday expecting/hoping to feel different. And really it is all about managing expectations...

I think that one of the wierdest things that Chemo does is it puts you in a survival mode like nothing else (Not that I have a lot to compare too...). But it's amazing because you have all this love and support around you & you can bearly even think about it, comprehend it or appreciate it when you're in the thick of it all. On sunday, I couldn't sit up right. I crawled up the stairs - on all 4s, then had to lay down. Then I brushed my teeth and had to lay down. Then I got my other pj's on, and had to lay down. It just really makes things seem so micro to what thoughts normally occupy our day & how we're able to look out and see the bigger picture. And it really confines you to only be able to think about maybe whats 5 mins in front of you. It's like you can't really even phantom that there's a larger world around you.

So anyway my whole point in writting that was twofold I guess... 1.) to let you know that sometimes if the biggest thing you get accomplished all day is brushing your teeth that's fine and 2.) I'm really thankful to be back in a spot where I can appreciate all the love and support around me. I've really been amazed and taken with the whole concept of a person's and people's capacity to care.

So the last one was kinda random, but that's kinda all I have to say about that. I'm still flushing out my thoughts about that so hopefully everyone gets the point. And really if not... I swear it's all the drugs I'm on still talking... :)

Round 2

Tomorrow morning starts my second round of chemo. Which really is just code for being one step closer to getting through all of this - which I'm looking forward too!

Getting ready for the next two days has been a little bit easier than last time. There is a lot less fear of the unexpected, and just more of a secure sense of knowing that I can survive and fight this thing. A couple of days ago I was getting ready and this feeling of, "bring it on, I'm ready to do this again", came over me and that was very reassuring.

I've really worked on my mindset over the past 10 days, trying to really think of the chemo as medicine that's going to make me healthy. And also try not to fight it so much, hoping that might make it a little bit easier. However, there is still some anxiety that doesn't go away. Mostly I just pray about that. And just try to be as courageous as possible, because really there just aren't any other options.

So let the ride begin again! :)

Weekend Review

Life has been so good the past couple of days. It's been great to have time to spend with friends and family while I've been feeling so good & more like myself.

I've gone on a long walk almost every day this past week, whether it's been with all the puppies or with friends to go eat or have coffee. The fall air weather has been so beautiful and it's just so refreshing to be outside. Plus my body loves starting to exercise again - but don't worry I'm not doing anything too crazy!

I was also able to squeeze in some retail therapy which was most helpful! Having new clothes to lay around in is so exciting! And I did get a new hat to go along with my stylish head. I've been wearing it a lot and not because I don't want people to see my head... but you get really chilly not having any hair. Boys... I don't' know how you do it.

Becca came to town on Saturday. She stayed with us on her journey moving west out to Montana. We had such a good time and she's such an amazing girl. I think I felt better just being around her. Plus it gave us an excuse to have another great bonfire in the back yard.

And today was just a great relaxing Sunday. A big brunch for breakfast and then watching all the football games. I think I might have to start cheering for a new team though... my boys in purple just aren't cutting it! Plus the 3 hour nap I took wasn't bad either... :)

I'm looking forward to having a couple more great days before treatment starts again on Thursday.

Pictures!

Here I am! And Anna too!

Yea! Becca from Baltimore comes to visit!

The backyard fire pit! Dedicated to me :)

Nothing Compares

Now all I need is a black turtle neck next and someone who wants to hold a camera right up in my face and I def could rival for the next Sinead O'Connor...

I am officially bald.

And actually I'm pretty okay with it. My head gets kinda cold so I'm breaking out the winter hat collection a little early... although it is getting colder and colder each day. Yesterday I was in the shower and clumps just started comming out (it doesn't hurt at all) and I was like s*it. I was already running late for a date with Yena Mae up in the cities so I just threw on clothes and ran out the door, wet hair and all. Pulled up to a Fantastic Sams and told them just to take it all off. The girl that buzzed it was really sweet about it. I couldn't really watch her cut off so i didn't. But when it was all said & done, I kinda liked the way it looked. $12 bucks & 20 minutes later I was back on the road again.

I'm not sure if I'll end up getting a wig or not. I guess it just will kinda depend on how things go and how I feel. And I already have quite the hat/scarf collection started so I'm sure I'll have lots of stylish options.

I'll try to post a picture tonight or tomorrow... We took the dogs running this morning and I still look a mess! Hey I'm sure Sinead got at least an hour in the make -up chair before her debut so I at least get a shower :)